Relationship Rescue, Divorce Prevention: Let's Go!
The pandemic, Covid, has been blamed for many things like deaths of loved ones, loss of businesses, loss of homes… But one of the greatest fallouts we are seeing from this pandemic is the number of marriages and relationships that are on the verge of divorce!
But so few people are talking about this!
As a counselor, minister, number one best selling author for 40 years now, I am absolutely shocked at the number of clients we are getting calls from every day needing help with their marriage, trying to avoid divorce, wondering what they need to do to turn all of the dysfunction they’re feeling around.
Now I’m not going to tell you that all these relationship issues are primarily due to Covid or the pandemic… But what’s happened is resentments that have been around for years that were never dealt with two months ago or 30 years ago, are now coming back to the surface and couples are spending more time together which means “triggers” will be more likely to happen.
I have been teaching divorce prevention, relationship saving techniques for all of these 40 years, and I am so excited right now to offer a quick overview of what we can do to help you make the decision, is this marriage or relationship worth fighting for?
There are some relationships that quite frankly are not worth fighting for. If there’s heavy-duty addiction and one or both of the partners will not get help… the relationship may not be worth saving.
If there’s deep emotional, ongoing abuse, or deep physical ongoing abuse… depending on the couple that relationship may not be worth even working on.
I just started a couple that wants to try to save their marriage today, and one of the shocking statements they made was “I had no idea that my alcohol intake could be leading us down the road of distraction, I thought I was just a social drinker.“
But as we continued to talk, he found out quite quickly he was not a social drinker, and he also admitted his wife was not a social drinker either.
After just a few drinks, maybe three for him or two for her they already start disagreeing on simple topics and before they know it, they’re in a full-blown argument.
So what do we do? Let’s look at some of the steps below:
Number one. Emotional regulation. If we do not work on our knee-jerk responses to our partner that may come out with snide remarks, or passive-aggressive behavior, or arguing, or isolation, or running away from the situation… All of those are examples of people who are not emotionally regulated.
So in our divorce prevention program, we teach people how to sit in conflict, how to respond to their partner when they’re extremely upset, we teach them the art of disengagement to begin to minimize the negative energy between the two people.
Emotional regulation is the number one place to begin, yet many professionals never go this deep with their clients, because it can take a while to get someone who’s used to just reacting instantaneously to something their partner says or does, to get them to slow down, take time before they give their next emotional reaction.
It’s one of the most powerful tools we teach, and we have helped turn around hundreds of marriages with this one simple technique alone.
Number two. Living apart, together. Over 20 years ago I wrote an article in a major magazine talking about this technique that we’ve been teaching for over 25 years now.
It’s not for everybody, but it does work well for many of the couples that we’ve helped save their marriage.
Living apart, together simply means that the relationship has gotten so tense, people are so frustrated and so resentful, that the best thing we can do is to have them separate for a short period of time, with a contract on how they’re going to work on their triggers, their resentments and more to see if it’s possible to save the relationship.
We just had a major success with this program, and a couple I started working with last year. They were married for over 30 years and were living in hell together, after a short six months of living apart together, combined with emotional regulation, they were able to save their marriage.
And as the wife tells me every week “my husband basically throws rose petals at my feet every day… He’s the man I always wanted him to be.
And I? I have quit being so codependent. David taught me how to have a strong and compassionate voice in the marriage, and working with him is the only reason that our marriage is still together. He is the king of divorce prevention.”
Number three. Releasing resentments. The number one reason that we get into these deep issues, if it isn’t caused by emotional or physical abuse or addiction, is the fact that we have resentments against our partner that we may have held for many years and we’ve never resolved them.
Unresolved resentments lead to hell in marriages and relationships, and those unresolved resentments also most times lead to separation and or divorce.
When we can attack the individual resentments that we might have against our partner, and when they do the same thing, we can learn the art of forgiveness, which is not an easy thing to learn.
If you do it right, you will begin to move the marriage back into the zone that says “we are going to make it!“.
Number four. Addiction. It’s so hard to face the fact that our addictions to pot, food, alcohol, drugs, television, sex, pornography, workaholism… All of these addictions can be part of the pathway that leads to separation and or divorce in a marriage.
In this program of divorce prevention, we make sure to attack every angle possible, it is a completely holistic program, to make sure that we’re not missing something that could lead these individuals back to the pathway of reclaiming their love and marriage for each other.
But for many clients, it’s even hard to admit that they struggle with an addiction, denial is very powerful, but once we remove the addictive substance or behavior we find this… Heaven on earth!
One of the couples, that we just saved their marriage in the last several months, was smoking pot every night, from a medical marijuana dispensary so it was legal and given to them by a doctor. Every night they would zone out and refuse to discuss the tough things they had to move through to save their marriage.
In our divorce prevention course, we helped them to get rid of the addiction to marijuana, and in that instance within several months they were both on the same page in their marriage, reading to each other several nights a week as well as picking several nights a week that they would sit down and talk about any potential issues coming up in their marriage, in other words, they became highly proactive in saving their own relationship!
Number five. Communication skills. Many people wonder why I always put this last in our divorce prevention program.
And the simple fact is this: I can teach you the most powerful communication skills in the world, but if you still have resentments against your partner, and when those resentments are triggered, all of these great communication tools will be thrown out the window and you’ll continue to react the way you always have.
So after we’ve taken care of all the above, we then work on communication skills. Many many of us, need a lot of help with communication skills because we never had role models in childhood that showed us how to communicate through tough issues in a marriage.
So communication skills are incredibly important, but they’re not the answer.
The real answer lies and following all the steps above, so we can turn the subconscious mind from a saboteur in your marriage to an ally…
Allowing you both to come back together with forgiveness, an open heart, and love for each other that you may have never felt before.
“I always knew that marriage should be filled with love, I mean after all we’ve read about it since we were little girls and boys in fairytale novels. But it wasn’t the love I had imagined.
When I went through David’s course on divorce prevention, then I realized that my husband and I were the only ones blocking us from the experience of deep love we had both craved ever since we were little kids. There’s no one else that we would ever recommend over David when you’re looking for a high-rated counselor who is creative, communicative, understanding… And knows how to get you moving in the right direction to save your marriage.“ Dawn
If you’re struggling in your marriage or your relationship, do not let another day pass. Reach out for help. Contact me directly at http://www.DavidEssel.com or at least work with someone else. We work with people from all over the world via phone and Skype, and we know the secret steps to take to save your marriage. Let’s get together today.“
David Essel‘s work is highly endorsed by individuals like the late Wayne Dyer, and celebrity Jeremy McCarthy says “David Essel is the new leader of the positive thinking movement.“
His work has been verified by so many professional therapy organizations like Psychology Today, Theravive, Therapy Tribe, and marriage.com has verified David as one of the top relationship counselors and experts in the world!
To work with David one on one from anywhere please visit http://www.DavidEssel.com
