Struggling: How to Support Your Partner When Your Child is Struggling.
When parents have a child who is struggling in school, or battling an illness or struggling with some behavioral issue, it can become a dividing line between them, and unfortunately happens way too often.
The stress of knowing your child is in the hospital or struggling in school, or maybe even the stress if your child is bullied, can be too much for many parents who do not have the proper emotional coping skills available to handle.
Many times when a child is in their initial part of the struggle, it can actually bring a mom and dad together. But, if the stress goes on for any length of time, it can be incredibly difficult to support your partner, who may have different beliefs than you do in regards to what is the best next step for your child.
So here are a few keys to think about in order to keep your marriage intact, your relationship healthy while your child or children are struggling in life:
Number One. Come up with a plan. This is so crucial, that you both get on the same page and negotiate with each other, collaborate with each other, in order to come up with a plan of how you both are going to be unified in your approach to help your child.
Number Two. Follow that plan! Put it in writing! Run it by an expert! If you create a plan, but it’s not in writing, it really is not solid. Both partners need to see the plan in writing, and then give their feedback before the final plan is approved.
And then once it’s in writing, and both parents agree to it, it must be followed every day or it will just turn into something that could possibly create chaos and drama between the parents.
Number Three. Self-care. If you notice that your partner is overly stressed create an open dialogue where you encourage them to take the day off from the hospital, or that you’ll go in and meet with the principal, or you’re the one that’s going to take the child to the doctor this time…
Many times because of work schedules, or the roles we play in relationships, we expect our partner to be able to maybe do more than they can in the current moment.
Be aware. Be grounded. Be conscious. You might even recommend that they get a massage on one day that they’re overly stressed and drive them there, drop them off and then come back to pick them off so they can stay in that relaxed state after the massage is over.
Number Four. Work with a therapist, counselor, medical professional, behavioral expert in order to come up with the best plan for your child.
Parents can only know so much.
My father, at 94 years of age tells me on a regular basis, “David, when your mother was alive we never really knew if we did parenting correctly. And honestly, I still don’t know if I’m doing it correctly.“
I’ve heard that comment millions of times over the 42 years of my professional work in the world of mental health, there is no parenting guide that works for everyone!
There are general rules, like the ones I put above, if a couple is struggling because a child is struggling, but there’s no rulebook in raising children.
Guidelines? Yes! Rulebook? Never.
There are too many personality differences between children, pain tolerance can be greatly different between one child or another, and emotional challenges can make raising a child very difficult in the times we are currently living in.
Try your best to become more patient with your partner. More compassionate. More empathetic. Everyone handles stress differently, and if you can get on the same page or close to the same page with your partner, offer them words of support, words of love, actions of support, actions of love, you can begin the process of moving through the challenges while keeping your love together.
David Essel‘s work is highly endorsed by individuals like the late Wayne Dyer, and celebrity Jenny McCarthy says “David Essel is the new leader of the positive thinking movement.“
His work as a counselor and minister has been verified, by so many organizations like Psychology Today, Therapy Tribe, Theravive, and marriage.com has verified David is one of the top counselors and relationship experts in the world.
To work with David one on one for any mental or physical challenges, please visit https://www.davidessel.com
