Women Who Struggle in Love?
Women who struggle in love, and what to do about it.
From our fantasy books as little children, the world continues to impress upon women that unless they’re in a relationship their worthiness, or their position in society is often questioned!
For the past 40+ years, I have worked in the world of relationships helping both men and women learn how to be solid, confident, remove insecurities, and move forward in love with joy.
Working through the years as a counselor, minister, master life coach, and number one best-selling author, I see many women who desire love but continue to self sabotage their efforts.
Recently I was working with a woman who was so excited every time we talked because she had met “the man of her dreams!“
The only problem was, every time we had a session she kept telling me how frustrated he was with her even after just a short period of time of getting to know each other.
She couldn’t understand it… She thought she was the perfect catch and she thought he was the perfect man for her.
So, like all my clients, I gave her a series of writing exercises, including taking notes from their conversations when he got frustrated with her, and it became incredibly evident why he was not in the same mindset as she was, regarding this turning into a long-term relationship.
She was very honest with me, and told me that for the first several weeks that they communicated via text or phone calls that he would ask her for a headshot, which she continued to make up excuses why she couldn’t send to him… A huge red flag to any man on the other side.
I told her I could understand if he was asking for a nude body shot that she would not send it, but why wouldn’t she send a headshot?
She was very attractive, I have been working with her via Skype, and I couldn’t understand her resistance.
But everything continued to get worse for her. After 3 to 4 weeks of talking, he was asking her for a date that he could meet her.
Again… just like the headshot… she was elusive in her answers!
Which obviously frustrated the heck out of him, as she said to me that they would spend 3 to 4 hours a day talking and texting but she wouldn’t send a headshot and she couldn’t make a commitment of when to meet him, supposedly because her schedule was busy.
I looked at her and just said the obvious: “you have sabotaged this relationship. I doubt this guy will hang in there very long with your constant pushback, and avoidance of either meeting him or even just sending him your headshot!
As I continue to work with her, I recommended that she get out of this so-called relationship, and figure out what her hangups were.
She told me right away that she had a hard time trusting men. They choose an attractive woman and a lot of men just wanted to take advantage of her attractiveness.
We found out very quickly that she had extremely low self-confidence and self-esteem… Which in my work of 40 years is very common with extremely attractive women.
When I asked her since she loved this man so much why wouldn’t she agree to meet him or send a photo, she had no answer!
“David, I can’t really tell you why… I feel so in love with him but I can’t make the commitment to go any further than I am right now, and he won’t wait around. I just offered to meet him in three weeks and he said forget it.“
This is just one of so many examples I could give you of women that I’ve worked with who sabotage every love relationship they’re in.
Another client went out with a man that she was totally head over heels with.
And even though he told her he was a light drinker and didn’t like to be around people who drank a lot the first three dates they went out on she got quite drunk.
The relationship ended.
And she was shocked. Why the hell was she shocked?
Just like the first story I told you, both women had outrageously low self-confidence, low self-esteem, and they could promise men the world but they just couldn’t deliver because they weren’t grounded enough in their own self-love.
Now self-love does not mean that we stand in the mirror and say “I love you so much!“ as many people believe.
As a matter of fact, my client who refused to set a date to meet this “boyfriend“, or even to send him a headshot, would tell me how much she loved herself but it never showed in her actions.
She was extremely judgemental about certain workers in society that she couldn’t be around, and the more we worked together the more she saw all of the dysfunctional beliefs she had had since childhood.
So let’s look at a few solutions now for women who struggle in love:
Number One. If you look at your past history, and you have a lot of dysfunctional relationships, that means even three dysfunctional relationships, get with a professional today!
Neither women nor men can see our own blind spots in love. We need to have them exposed just like we did above in the examples of the clients I’m working with, in order to change these negative habits.
Number Two. Do… Not… Ever… Date… Until you’ve cleared up your issues and you’re happy as hell on your own!
Both of these women have been searching for deep love, and they both sabotaged in different ways, which told us that they were not happy with themselves, they did not practice self-love, and so they sabotaged any great relationship they could have been in.
Number Three. Create a list of all the ways you’ve sabotaged past relationships. Maybe you didn’t have integrity, maybe you told your man several times that you would do things for him on a certain day and you never pulled it off, maybe you’ve gone out and drank too much and done or said things that are inappropriate to your partner.
When you create a list of just what you’ve done incorrectly, not what other people have done to you, but when you only focus on your weaknesses, we can create solutions together to get rid of the self-sabotage for life!
I love it when we have success stories of women like the above who do the work and get serious, release their insecurities, their emotional baggage so they can truly be ready for love.
Both of them finally admitted through our work together, that they were extremely insecure with men, even though they paraded around like they owned the world like they were some kind of Disney princess, they still both had to agree that when it came to love and relationships they were incredibly insecure… Which led to the ongoing self-sabotage in love.
We can turn it all around. Starting today. Work with me one on one from anywhere in the world via phone or Skype at http://www.DavidEssel.com.
Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up!“
David Essel‘s work is highly endorsed by individuals like the late Wayne Dyer, and celebrity Jenny McCarthy says “David Essel is the new leader of the positive thinking movement.“
His work as a counselor and minister has been verified by organizations such as “psychology today, theravive.com, Therapy Tribe, and marriage.com has also verified David as one of the top counselors and relationship experts in the world.
To work with David one on one, from anywhere in the world please visit https://www.davidessel.com
